I find it rather ironic how death is a part of life. Isn’t that some sort of oxymoron? You could say that I have been to more than my fair share of funerals. Yet with all the experience I’ve had mourning you’d think I wouldn’t keep needing reminders of what is truly important in life.

Without getting to in depth in my beliefs, I do know that there is more than this life and I will see those departed again. What I find so hard is in knowing that their presence will forever be missing from the rest of my life. There will be no more new memories, what I have is what I get and that is final.

I’ve watched how people mourn and how they move on. I’ve watched the inconsolable mourning of those who believe there is nothing after this life and I’ve watched the joy of seeing a much suffering soul “move on” from those who believe in heaven and an afterlife. I’ve seen spouses who won’t change a thing after their significant other has passed and those that immediately feel the need to fill a void and find someone new. I’ve seen those who have been stronger then anyone thought and lived years after losing their soul mate, and those who have been so broken hearted they pass away shortly after. I’ve watched children bury their parents and parents bury their children. I’ve been to funerals of people who have died “naturally” and those who have left this world before their time. Each of the departed has their personal story but the passing is still as heartbreaking as the last.

Why write about this now? Last night as my Brother and I stood at the headstones of several family members; our Grandparents, a cousin, and a cousin’s son, I was reminded of what is important.

Today my cousin will bury her son no doubt right next to his brother. Her son, a young man, not yet in his prime, a father to children who I saw running around last night, knowing their Dad is gone, but really too young to know what that really means. I watched my cousin in sheer agony of the loss of a second child; no parent should have to bury any of their children, let alone two. I felt the loss of this young man whom I had not seen in a couple years, but luckily do have fond memories of, I just wish I had more. But I must hold onto the ones I have, and they will have to keep me satisfied.

I hope this rambling is a nudge to everyone, a reminder of what is important. You can replace things, but you can’t replace people, you must work to live, but don’t live to work. It’s important to build memories that you can hold onto, pictures in your mind and in your heart. Because you never know when it will be the last time you see someone, and the memories you have is all you get to keep.

One returns to the place one came from.
- Jean de la Fontaine

Summer Plans

Is it really July? Really?? I can't believe how fast time flys by. I was really hoping to slow down this summer, to spend more time enjoying my family and friends. Cherishing what is important, making memories that will linger for years to come. I've yet to even begin making plans to do anything of the sort, and I just don't know why. We haven't taken the boat out, we haven't even taken the top off the Blazer! It's like we haven't gotten into the summer groove, like we're waiting to be invited by some magical "summer fairy".

I want this summer to one the kids remember. Ethan is getting older, and pretty soon hanging out with his family is going to be more of a duty and obligation, rather then something he looks forward to. I remember being his age, you know the summer before 6th grade, the last "elementary" summer, wow, that was a fun summer. I want him to remember his the same. And this is Sophia's last summer before she starts school "full-time". Lots of changes are coming our way and I think it's really time for us to slow down and really enjoy this time together.

Here's a list of things I'm thinking of planning:

• Camping trip with Ronnie and the kids
• Lots of boating weekends
• Trip to a good friends wedding....YAY~Sienna and Zack
• Trip to my wonderful Grandma's "40th" birthday LOL...I won't spill the beans on her age!
• A few days here and there with each of the kids on there own, for special days
• Maybe a little trip for me and Ronnie in there somewhere, just the two of us (we deserve it)

Let me know if you have any other great ideas for me...I'm open to suggestions.

Picking Role Models

Ethan is growing up and there is nothing I can do about it, except make sure he grows up to be a great adult. I've tried to make sure he never really looks up to sports players or musicians as idols, it's like fools gold, really nothing worthwhile to offer. At times he's spent time looking up to Ronnie, or my cousin Chandler, or his Grandpa, or his Uncle Monte, which is all fine with me. But lately he's been looking up to Kenny, my cousin Bree's boyfriend. And I'll admit, he's probably one of the coolest guys we've met in a long time. He's got his "stuff" together, but he's still "cool" (is that even the term used these days). He owns a skateshop and Ethan admires him and looks up to him. He even wrote out an invitation to Kenny for his birthday party.

I've sufficiently apologized numerous times to Kenny, because I feel like Ethan is pestering him, after all, he is a 30 year old man, who owns a skateshop that gets bombarded with kids daily, all he needs is a kid bugging him on his time off. He is constantly telling me that I shouldn't be apologizing, that Ethan is "cool", but like he'd say any different right, at least to my face. I guess he really means it because I heard that he actually told someone that he couldn't wait to have kids, and he hopes they are just like Ethan, because that kid is awesome. I'm so glad Ethan has picked out role models that I believe will really show him responsibility and morals, and he is choosing good ones on his own.

Do you think a sports star would actually take the time to say that about a kid that admired them? Highly unlikely and probably wouldn't be the best role models either.

Ethan has found a good one. Thank you Kenny!

Long Lost (better forgotten about) Nickname

I'm about to walk you down a memory lane, one I've tried to push down into the deep darkness of unwanted memories....because it makes me look like a ditz.

I turned 16 in December and could have run down to get my drivers license that day, but for some reason I knew that was a bad idea. After much prodding by not only my friends, who wanted another friend to chauffer them around, but also my Mom, who was probably tired of being my chauffer, I finally went down and got my license on Valentines Day. Yes almost two months later. I think I was too busy studying to be able to focus on driving (wink wink), but really we all know I just wasn't very observant.

My brother and his friends would torture me endlessly with taunting and teasing (because that's what little brothers and their friends do), but after I started driving they had plenty of material. You see I wrecked constantly it seems, and even though they weren't all my fault, because I wrecked frequently, I got teased about them all anyway.

Now I'm going to show my age...around the same time there was this great cartoon on, that everyone watched...DuckTales. And if you watched the cartoon you know what name my brother, his friends, and even one of the Dad's of some of the friends called me....

Launchpad

Yes, it was great (whats that new symbol for sarcasm). I was even in a restaurant once and the Dad (who shall remain nameless) yelled "Launchpad", and I looked! Not my greatest claim to fame.

I've tried to live that name and those wrecks down, but unfortunately this week, the ditz appeared again. I'm ok, very sore, and my car is going to be fine. But what is damaged the most is my ego, I don't want to be Launchpad anymore.

BTW...don't try to call me this...I will ignore you, and maybe even "unfriend" you.

If you don't like my Opinion, Quit Reading

I'm about to get political on you all...I'm not trying to offend anyone; I'm just voicing my opinion. That right was given to me clear back on December 15th, 1791, it's called the First Amendment, and I will take full advantage of it when I feel the need.

Because of this Amendment I am free to "speak my mind", as are you, and every other person living in this country. Unfortunately I've found there are quite a few idiots living here so you need to take heed before repeating what you hear.

Every once in a while I receive some great emails from my wonderful Aunt Bonnie (love her), and as always I do my research before forwarding anything on. There was one that she sent me called "I'm 63 and I'm Tired" of course I did some research and found a few small discrepancies, but I also found the blog by the author of this awesome writing, http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/, and an updated blog entry to the what he wrote which was turned into an email, which is a MUST READ... http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/2009/02/robert.html.

I will admit there are probably some of his opinions I'm not on board with completely, but that's probably because I'm not fully educated, so I won't mention which they are. However, there are a few that struck a chord with me that I MUST share. I've left my own little comments on a few, just to clarify my perspective.

**Please remember I cannot take credit for the following words, they were written by Robert A Hall.

"...I’m tired of being told that I have to “spread the wealth around” to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it." (I am not wealthy, but I am proud to say I have always worked hard and have never depended on anyone to pay my way. I don't try to keep up with "the jones" as they say, but we work hard, so if we want something nice, we'll buy it.)

"...I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, “Undocumented Pharmacists”?" (illegal aliens are breaking the law...hence the term "illegal")

"...I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citizens we need." (My Grandparents were not from this country, but they worked hard, supported their family and knew what a blessing it was to live in this country and made sure their children were proud to be American's. They didn't cheat the system and enter into this country illegally; they went through long processes and lots of paperwork. I do not believe we should "clear out this country", but there is a difference between immigrants trying to make a better life for themselves and their families legally and responsibly and those trying to suck all the benefits out of this Nation without doing any work.)

"...I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor."

"...I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems..." (I believe it's time for everyone to own their actions and where they are in this world, stop making excuses. If you don't like where you're at, do something about it!)

Please take the time to read his blog, to do your research, to educate yourself on what is happening to this country, and to decide whether or not you're willing to just sit idly by and let it happen.

May 19, 2000

What were you doing ten years ago right this moment? I remember what I was doing…I was lying by a pool in the warm Las Vegas sun with Ronnie, some family and friends, relaxing and enjoying the day. Looking forward to later that day when my amazing brother would walk me down the aisle and place my hand in Ronnie’s, and we’d become husband and wife. I love those memories, and the ten years of memories we’ve made since that day.
Sometimes I take for granted how wonderful my life is because of him. He’s made me a better person, and I hope he believes the same of me. We share two beautiful children, who couldn’t possibly want or need a better Dad. He’s a dependable provider, a rock of a best friend, and most importantly the husband I could only wish for. Thank you Ronnie, for being all this and more!

Happy Anniversary Hun! We are "Better Together". I love you! Here's to many more anniversaries spent together!

How Hard We Had It

Every so often I get this email, and everytime I read through it and laugh because its SO true.

Enjoy....

"When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...in the snow...BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda... And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty++, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email ! We had to actually write somebody a letter... With a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents spanked us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then sometimes the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a darn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... Not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on television! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to actually get off your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network, either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no; no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were luckily, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970, or any time before!

OUCH!

Every summer our Friday nights belong to the track and to Ethan's races. We plan around his schedule, not to accommodate him, but to teach him when you make a commitment to something you stick to it.

Well this summer is going to be different. The race season was set to begin last Friday, April 16th. Ronnie decided he should take Ethan out to the track to let him practice before the race, always a good idea, except for maybe this time. Ethan was riding hard, trying his hardest, and came down hard off a jump. He was so tough, got back up on his bike and rode away. But as tough as our E-Dog is, he's no match for a broken bone. Yes, he broke his right collarbone, or in medical terms he has an "angulated displaced clavicle fracture." For now we've been told our options are to opt for surgery, which includes a metal plate, or the wait and see method, we've chosen the latter.

Ethan's pretty bummed he won't be racing, at least for six weeks, let alone doing much of anything else. He's such an active kid, and he really shouldn't be doing anything he normally does; riding, skateboarding, anything that could damage the injury further, and because it's his right clavicle, he really can't even draw. Both our kids are so energetic, I have no idea how to keep an immobile child busy....any suggestions would help.

I do have to say this, I know riding isn't the safest sport, but in our defense, he has been riding for 5 years and this really is his first injury. And as for the collarbone, it's one of the most common broken bones in children, in fact newborns can break their collarbones coming through the birth canal. Yes we will continue to let him ride and race, and hope this is the only injury, but we'll be ready for anything that comes our way.

Changes are Coming~

In some alternate universe there is a complete opposite of me, a free spirit, that goes with the flow, takes things as they come, and doesn't worry the least bit. I picture her with her hair flowing, no makeup on, dressed in an almost a "hippie" type flowing floral dress, twirling in a sunny meadow somewhere. There are times I wish I was her.

But in this universe, I'm an over the top, insanly irrational control freak. There is something in me that makes it impossible for me to feel comfortable "going with the flow", which is why I dread change. Change for me is jumping into the unknown, with no life vest on, and why would anyone in their right mind do that!

I know change is inevitable and that's what I'm looking at right now. I'm hoping this change brings amazing new opportunites for me, Ronnie and the kids. Afterall, that is the only reason I allow us to take these leaps of faith, for my family.

JaDaKenn Update

Being an Aunt is awesome! There are no words to tell you how much I love this little guy. He had his two month check up yesterday, he is 19 1/2 inches long and 7 lbs 9 oz! He's in the 50 percentile which is amazing considering he was a preemie. He is doing fabulous!

A couple weeks ago I was over visiting and he fell asleep in my lap all sprawled out. Everytime I tried to bundle him up or hold him cuddled he would fuss, so now I know, he likes to be streched out, once I let him be the way he wanted he didn't even make a peep. Of course I just sat back, let him sleep and enjoyed my time with him. I had to get a picture of him like this, all arched back with his arms over his head.

(Isn't he perfect)

I've been amazed at the changes I've seen in my brother. He's matured so much in the last two months, being a parent will do that to you. I'm so proud of them!