Wrestling

Ethan's first wrestling season was short and sweet... He won half his matches, and took the silver in his tournament. Good job EDog!

Here are some pics.

Three of the four coaches (LeRoy had to work) with some of the kids at the end of season awards dinner.

Here is a picture of the gifts I gave the coaches as a thank you and below is the card we put together.

It was a great season and we all had fun. Ethan met some great friends and learned a little bit more about himself. It was so fun to see this side of him, and I loved watching the fire in my Brother again. Can't wait for next year!

Stinky!

This is a conversation between the kids, I overheard while driving down the road.

"What is that smell?"

"That's a skunk"

"That's what a skunk smells like?"

"Ya, its gross hu!"

"Smells better than your farts."

Sure makes a mother proud!

Time to move forward

The loss of my Uncle Pete has been heartbreaking to me. I love him dearly and will miss him every day. I have pushed off planning our Spring Break trip because it usually included a visit with him and that makes it too real. I know he is happy, healthy, and no longer in pain and I know he’s with his Parents, enjoying them. What hurts is knowing my kids won’t get the full knowledge of how wonderful he is. They do have their own memories of him, and I’ll try to remind them of him whenever possible. But I can’t possibly convey to them how wonderful he is, share all of his stories, or teach them all the lessons life taught him and that is a horrible feeling. I made this for his memorial service, please enjoy.

(Coming soon)

Losing someone so important makes you want to savor every minute you have, and I’m trying. I appreciate the sunrise every morning knowing each day brings amazing opportunities. I am appreciative for my job, knowing I am able to help provide for this family, and my husband doesn’t have to carry that responsibility alone. I watch our children everyday knowing although I’ll be their Mom forever; they will only be my “kids” for so long, before they spread their wings and leave our nest. I enjoy the little things, snuggle time with each of them, the relentless begging for “just one more game”, the constant drawing with papers and pencils strewn across the counters, all while marking each achievement for me to reflect upon when they have left to make their own mark on this crazy world. I appreciate my husband more with each passing day, realizing how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. He treats me better than I deserve most of the time and doesn’t ask for much in return. Whenever the pessimist in me rears its ugly head, he is full of optimism and is happy to share. He truly is my soul mate, the yang to my yin. I often think of him as the glass half full to my glass half empty.
So I guess it’s time to plan that Spring vacation and make some more wonderful memories with the ones I love. And even though Uncle Pete won’t be there for us to visit, he’ll be with us.

Proud Mama

This year Ethan has decided to try his luck at wrestling. With him being such a tender heart and kind soul I was worried this wouldn't turn out well. He'd been practicing for a few weeks, and then it was time, his first wrestling match. We rounded up the family and headed up to school. When we pulled in the neighborhood where the school was located, it was so dark, the power was out, the wrestling match was canceled. Ethan was very disappointed to say the least. A week later we tried again. Unfortunately Ron had a meeting out of town and wasn't able to get back before our sons first match.

We entered the gym at the high school and I was afraid to let the kids out of my sight. It was organized chaos! I was so nervous. Slowly my backup started to show up; my Mom, Jess, JD, Kenna, and luckily I ran into some great friends, Waylann & Brooke, who were there with their son River. Ethan was paired up with another kid the same size as him and sent out onto the mat. It wasn't going so good, he was losing, and then in a matter of seconds, Ethan had the kid in a cradle and pinned him. I was shocked and proud. His second match didn't end so well, he was pinned.

The Proud Mama part came not from him winning, but from watching his sportsmanship. After his first match his shook his opponents hand and gave him the one armed hug. In between matches he looked up in the stands and saw a kid crying, and asked me to excuse him, ran up the bleachers and sat down with the upset kid. When I asked what he said, he told me the kid was upset he lost his first match, but Ethan told him it was ok and that he still had another match. After his second match, after being pinned, he was visibly upset, but still shook his opponents hand and then walked over to his opponents father and shook his hand.

I hadn't realized how grown up he has become. Sometimes you have to step back and let them show you, and I hadn't given him the chance. He continually surprises me. I hope he knows how proud both his father and I are of him.

Uncle Pete

While this blog is my way to share, it's really my way to put the ramblings in my mind down on virtual paper, so to say. It's how I'm able to clear the cobwebs from the rafters in this head of mine. I have an uncle who once told me that sharing on the internet was just inviting people to snoop into your life, that it's a disregard for the privacy we've come to hold dear. He once told me that if I ever posted a picture of him on the internet, on my "damn blog or the damn facebook" he'd stop speaking to me. We'll I sure hope that's not the case.
You see it's time for me to share about my dear Uncle Pete, whom I love and cherish more than he knows. I have several uncles and aunts and they all have a special place in my heart, I have stories about each of them and memories that I wouldn't give for anything. My Uncle Pete is one of those guys that says it how he sees it, who can come accross as mean and gruf. He always means well, even if that's not how it feels.
When I was a child, Pete was scary, with his no nonsense attitude. Yes I have memories of him that I'd rather forget, because he did scare me, but I have plenty since then that I hold dear. The first memory of him I cherish is one of my favorites, one the I think changed my life forever for the better.

I was about nineteen and working at a dentist office, his dentist. One morning he came in, and on his way out he told my boss that he was taking me to breakfast. It was probably the first time we had been alone together. I went, worried about what he was going to say to me, knowing there must be something that was on his mind. Sure enough, over breakfast he proceeded to tell me that I was angry inside, that I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving when I was little (another story, another time). He told me that no matter what the reason, whether it was right or wrong, unless I let go of the anger I was never going to find happiness. He said that he only wanted me to be happy, but for that to happen I was going to have to remember the love I had for my Dad, and never be the one to "blame". Which meant I had to send cards, I had to call and write, even if he didn't respond. He reminded me that I was worth a fathers love, even if I didn't feel worthy. When he dropped me back off at work I was in tears, but not because I was afraid, but because he was able to knock down a wall that I had built around my heart, that I thought would protect me, but was only isolating me from love.

This wasn't the only time he had to speak frankly to me, even about this subject, but over the years we've built a relationship I treasure. I'm not sure if I've completely let go of all that anger, but he did help me open up enough to find love. I thank him for helping me with that. I believe that without his brutal honestly I would have pushed true love away, instead of letting myself be vulnerable, and that would have been a mistake.

Right now my Uncle Pete is lying in a hospital bed and I wish I could be there with him. The last message he left for me said "get your asses down here, no excuses", we didn't go. I hope I don't end up hating myself forever for that. And I hope he doesn't disown me for posting this or his picture.

I love you Uncle Pete. Thank you for being here for me and my kids. Thank you for telling me how it is. Thank you for loving me like you do. I hope to see you very soon!

What if....

We’ve all done it, played the game, asked the question, thought of the scenario, fantasized about what it would be like; you know “what would I do if I won the lottery”. What would you do first? Faint, go on a shopping spree, and maybe call your biggest frenemie to rub it in? What would you do? Move into a bigger more elaborate house, go on vacation, and buy every pair of shoes that call your name?

I am more of a practical girl, almost insanely practical, so let me tell you what I’ve always said. Of course, the first thing I’d do is call a good lawyer and a financial advisor. After that was taken care of and I had paid a substantial amount of taxes, I would pay off every bill we had and put money in trust accounts for the kids. I would have to buy all the shoes that called my name, because that is my obsession. I would take my family on the most amazing and humbling vacation, somewhere we could relax, bond, make memories, and make a difference.

This is where the “fantasy” of winning the lottery goes terribly amiss, donating to charity. Not because I wouldn’t want to donate, more of the thought of deciding; picking one charity as a more worthy cause, how do you do that? How do you decide which cause is more important? Would you give your money to help feed starving children or would you give your money to help find cures for diseases killing loved ones? Would you donate for people who have become disabled fighting for our great nation or to the abused animals who cannot fend for themselves? Would you provide shelter for someone less fortunate or give a dying child his or her biggest wish? Do you try to help save the planet or the people of a dying nation? Do you contribute to help spread the word about the atrocities being committed around the world or do you dig in, starting with your own community and hope it will spread?

Yes, I’ve always had my chosen charities when it comes to donating, because they have special meaning to me. It’s not much, but if my donations are added to everyone else’s donations, it makes a difference. I want a cure for Cancer, a cure for MS, a cure for Alzheimer’s and I want transplants to be affordable to anyone who needs them. Every child should have every opportunity available, regardless of money. I hate the thought of anyone going hungry or anyone sleeping in the cold. I hate the thought that out there in world kids are forced to work to help provide because there are no other options. I hate the terms “child abuse”, “sex slavery”, “blood diamond”, and “ethnic cleansing”, to name a few. So how would I choose? Just the thought makes me anxious.

I’m so thankful I haven’t won the lottery!

Bragging Moment

I am so proud of both of my kids, for all the things they do. Right now I want to share Ethan's great artistic ability. He's always loved to draw and everytime he brings something home, and I'll always have that little feeling like he maybe "traced" a picture, but then he'll start to draw in front of me and I'll be in awe. It's so natural and it just flows from him. I thought I'd share some of the recent favorites.

I'm not sure who this is..but I'm sure its a cartoon character.

He went through a couple weeks of "perfecting" his flames.

Yes, he was so bored one day he even drew his shoe.

Of course he had to take a shot at drawing "The Last AirBender".
And now he says he's drawing his own comic book. Here are a couple of his drawings (looks a little like other cartoon characters, but with a little Ethan in there).
Love you Ethan!!

We need to stop Bullies

Recently in the news there have been a rash of stories about suicides directly related to bullying.

Pheobe Prince-15 years old

April Himes-13 years old

Jared High-13 years old

Ryan Halligan-14 years old

Daniel Scruggs-12 years old

Laura Rhodes-13 years old

Joshua Melo-15 years old

Kasey Hone-16 years old

James Rogers-16 years old

Tyler Clementi-18 years old

Hope Witsell-13 years old

"name withheld"-10 year old Boston Girl

Asher Brown-13 years old

Seth Walsh-13 years old

The list could go on and on..when I put "bully" "suicide" in google search it brought up over four thousand matches!

It's been overwhelming to say the least. When I was growing up a bully was someone who teased you on the playground at recess, someone who yelled profanities at you from the other side of the road, someone who gave up after the taunting yielded little to no results, and most fortunate for any of us, someone who "disappeared" when we entered our santuary called home. Nowdays, with all of the available technology, bullying is so much more, and unfortunately even being home is not a safe haven for these victims. They get harassed with texts, emails, facebook, even with websites created just for bullying.

I've found similarities in these "bullicide" stories; the kids were liked, smart, gentle and nice. Some put on a brave smile and never mentioned the bullying, most tried to tell someone, but found no help was enough. These bullies have lost respect for not only their victims, but also for anyone in authority; parents, teacher, even police. There have also been stories of adults, the victims parents confronting these bullies, and the parents are the ones getting in trouble. They have been ticketed and some even arrested for threatening these bullies, "verbal assualt"; isn't that exactly what these bullies are doing to their victims? Why can't they be issued citations for assualt?

In this house I'm going to make sure my kids know they are loved, that they can come to me no matter what, they will know that they need to accept people for who they are-with no judgement, that everyone deserves to have a happy life. I will continue to talk to them about bullying and hope that in their lives and the lives around them, it makes a difference. I hope you'll do the same.

Honestly I don't know what the answer is but I do know we all need to stand together to stop bullies and the bullying that goes on these days!

This is a wonderful website for parents and kids http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

My opinion on the fire!

Several years ago there was a news story about houses being “red flagged” by the fire department, meaning if a fire were to come close to the house, there were to be no extra efforts from the fire departments to save the property. The homeowners were furious and at first, I thought it was ridiculous; isn’t that their job! But the more I looked into it and the more I thought about it, it made perfect sense. These houses that were “red flagged” were houses built on the mountain side, surrounded by trees and overgrown brush, they were difficult to get to and most likely any fire involving these homes would be too dangerous for any firefighter to fight.

I realized that there is a price to be paid when you live in such a beautifully secluded and peaceful place. Having family and friends that fight fires, including in this specific area, I agree, no human life is worth a home or property.

Unfortunately, even after the stories of the “red flagging”, people continued to build their homes in the same area, yes, it cleared trees and brush, but they didn’t take into account the houses were still on rugged terrain and the other side of the mountain was still brush and trees. These houses are amazing, all the newest and greatest upgrades and accessories; houses to be envied.

That is, until two weeks ago when a mixture of a stray bullet from target practice, dry brush, and high winds turned into a nightmare. We watched on the newscast as flames headed towards these beautiful neighborhoods. I worried about friends and family who live in the area, I worried about the horses that live in the area, hoping their owners were able to have enough time to get them safely out, and most importantly, I was worried about the family and friends I have who are firefighters and all their coworkers who were headed right to the center of it all.

Usually when horrific things happen, people band together, but that first night, I knew I would not be “banding” together with some of these homeowners. I watched as they were interviewed by reporters, as they complained about the lack of response from the emergency dispatchers, about the firefighters not doing enough to save property, they complained about being evacuated with not enough time to get their belongings. I literally had to take some deep breathes to calm myself.

On the second day of this massive undertaking, which by the way the “red flagging” had no bearing on, I called my Aunt to check on her, knowing her husband, my Uncle, a firefighter, would most likely be right in the middle of it all, and I was right. He was in the middle of it all, but not in the way I though. He probably wishes he was in his turnouts, sweating in the heat, fighting flames; but he was getting heat from homeowners, understandably upset about the fire. Upset about losing property, losing cars, having smoke damage, not being allowed back in their homes, etc. They were literally in his face over these things! I was furious, knowing that these firefighters are risking their lives and still people were angry. I know that the homeowners yelling at my Uncle were only a small percentage of the residents affected by this tragic event, but to think that even one person felt this way was disheartening.

I hope people take a few minutes to appreciate their local emergency services; police officers, firefighters, EMT’s, etc. They really are angels on earth. Just take a look at the miracle they managed with this house below.

Followup: Last night on the news there are stories of some homeowners fraudulently filing claims for thousands of dollars for bogus “cleanings” and property loses. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Back in the "Saddle"

At the beginning of the racing season Ethan had a little mishap. He broke his collarbone and it took him out for at least seven weeks. Eight weeks later, I was ready to go watch my son ride his dirtbike and enjoy himself, but that wasn't the case. The longer he was off the bike, the harder it was for him to get back on. It's like that saying about "getting right back on the horse", well unfortunately he didn't have that option. The longer he was able to sit and think about what had happened, or more importantly, what could have happened the harder it was to get him on the bike.
I didn't want to push him, I'm not that kind of a Mom. But I didn't want to let his fear control him either. So there I was stuck between being the "stage mom" and the mom who would forever regret her decision to let her son quit because of "the fear". I had to find a way to get him riding again without being pushy.
A couple weeks ago Ron took him riding at a local field they practice at. He said he had fun, but also said the Ethan had told him he didn't want to race anymore. Sure, a part of me was a little sad. Racing is something he has done for five years. The excitement of the Friday night racing, the comradery of the families at the track, watching him ride and jump, it's something that can't really be described, but it was sort of our summer tradition.
If he really wanted to quit, that would be his decision, not ours. But I still wasn't convinced it wasn't because of "the fear".
Two weeks ago we attended my companies summer party and happened to run into one of my coworkers who 2 year old son had just fallen off the couch and broken his collarbone. It was the perfect opportunity for me to bring up the subject with Ethan. I explained to him that life is unpredictible in so many ways, that his collarbone could have been broken by rolling off his bed at night while he's sleeping, as much as it was by the dirtbike crash. I told him we knew it would be scary, and the longer he waited the harder it would be. And I left it at that knowing he would ponder it and come to us if he wanted to talk.
It didn't take long, only a few days later he started talking about racing again. We didn't push, we let him talk without jumping completely on the bandwagon. We encouraged him to do what he felt was right without making him feel judged. And it worked. He came to us earlier this past week and said he was ready to race, and as luck would have it, there was a race the next Friday. Ron took him to practice and when they came home he said he's never seen Ethan ride like he did. He said it was amazing! The next day we went through our race day rituals, getting off work early packing the kids up and heading to the track. Everything seemed different, even the people were different, it seemed like it had been years, not months.

We told Ethan there was no pressure, he didn't need to feel like he needed to push himself to win. Each moto he came off the track smiling and happy. He enjoyed himself, and as a bonus, at the end of the night, left with a 2nd place trophy!

It may have taken longer than we thought, but he's "back in the saddle" and enjoying himself. He's already talking about the next race.