I have been surrounded by so many people who I love dearly and who are such a big part of my life I guess the odds of having tragic things happen to me and the people around me are greater than if I was a recluse and had no loved ones.
It’s only March and I feel like I’ve been on the 2010 rollercoaster for what seems like more then a year. The birth of my nephew has been such a blessing, and although it was too early for him to join us, it was in many ways perfect timing. JaDaKenn Saxon was born on January 30th, 10 weeks too early, but also four days after a truly devastating loss for all of us. My beautiful cousin Stephanie and her husband Derek, along with their daughter Ariana, son-in-law Chad, son David, and daughter Hannah were expecting a new member of their family. A little girl was due to join their, our family around the same time JaDaKenn was to join our family. I was so excited for us all, and for their little family. Stephanie had said that she had dreamt of this little girl for over a year before becoming pregnant, and although her youngest, Hannah is already 10, she knew that this little girl was meant to join their family. Unfortunately during one of her early appointments they were told that there was a problem. After several ultrasounds and a lot of testing they were delivered devastating news. The child she was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a condition caused by a chromosomal defect, during conception the baby receives three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. T18 is not hereditary, nor is it due to anything the parents did or did not do. Most people are aware of Trisomy 21, also known as Downs Syndrome; however, with T18 most of us didn’t know what to expect. After doing research I was heartbroken. Most babies with this syndrome die before birth, and those born live are given supportive medical care, meaning they focus on nutrition, fighting infections, and managing heart problems, with only 10% of these precious babies living to their first birthday. Just typing this is breaking my heart all over again. Stephanie and Derek had such amazing strength and belief during this pregnancy. We all tried to give as much love and support as we could. I won’t lie, it was hard; to watch such great people who we love so much going head first into undoubtedly the worst heartbreak anyone could experience.
They decided to give her a name that had meaning, Havalee Hope. They made her as much a part of their family as their other kids, including her story in their family holiday newsletter. They created a “hope” tree for her and let us all buy an ornament for her. The day I took the ornament we had chosen over to their house I sat and talked with Stephanie for a bit. I laughed and cried with this amazing woman. I listened to her and supported her as best I could. But as she told me she was planning a funeral instead of a nursery I broke. No parent should have to bury their own child. She confided in me that her only hope was that she would be able to bring Havalee home, if even just for a day. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. Havalee Hope was born into Heaven on January 26th, 2010. When I was visiting in the hospital Stephanie asked her dear friend to pick up Havalee and hand her to me. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to hold that angel, if even just for the few moments I was blessed to. She was beautiful, too beautiful for this world.
I’d like to believe things happen for a reason, and it’s all part of a bigger plan. I’d like to believe Havalee was in heaven watching our hearts breaking and turned and looked at JaDaKenn, knew he would be fine and said “You need to go heal them”. I want to believe that, if only just for my own sanity. JaDaKenn was born 4 days after Havalee was born to Heaven, and 2 days later we attended Havalee’s funeral. I believe that was the most emotional week of my life. As I watched Derek, Stephanie and their children at the service, I realized their love and strength would get them through this, and this would give them love and strength like they'd never known. I’m so thankful that they have such a strong faith, it’s not only helping them by reminding them they will see Havalee again, but its helping the rest of us, by helping us feel comfortable to talk to them about her.
Stephanie still amazes me, she insisted on not only helping plan a baby shower for JaDaKenn after this happened, but also attended. She MC'd the game, helped with decorations and even sewed a beautiful diaper bag for them. She's been given a "free pass" if you will (by my brother and Kenna), to visit, hold, and kiss up on JaDaKenn as much as she'd like. I don't mind sharing Aunt duties with her at all.We may not be able to see Havalee, but we can always remember her and for those of us lucky enough to be still enough, we may be able to “feel” her. She’ll always be a part of our family, and I’ll always have the belief that JaDaKenn’s first friend is in Heaven watching him and smiling!
It’s only March and I feel like I’ve been on the 2010 rollercoaster for what seems like more then a year. The birth of my nephew has been such a blessing, and although it was too early for him to join us, it was in many ways perfect timing. JaDaKenn Saxon was born on January 30th, 10 weeks too early, but also four days after a truly devastating loss for all of us. My beautiful cousin Stephanie and her husband Derek, along with their daughter Ariana, son-in-law Chad, son David, and daughter Hannah were expecting a new member of their family. A little girl was due to join their, our family around the same time JaDaKenn was to join our family. I was so excited for us all, and for their little family. Stephanie had said that she had dreamt of this little girl for over a year before becoming pregnant, and although her youngest, Hannah is already 10, she knew that this little girl was meant to join their family. Unfortunately during one of her early appointments they were told that there was a problem. After several ultrasounds and a lot of testing they were delivered devastating news. The child she was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a condition caused by a chromosomal defect, during conception the baby receives three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. T18 is not hereditary, nor is it due to anything the parents did or did not do. Most people are aware of Trisomy 21, also known as Downs Syndrome; however, with T18 most of us didn’t know what to expect. After doing research I was heartbroken. Most babies with this syndrome die before birth, and those born live are given supportive medical care, meaning they focus on nutrition, fighting infections, and managing heart problems, with only 10% of these precious babies living to their first birthday. Just typing this is breaking my heart all over again. Stephanie and Derek had such amazing strength and belief during this pregnancy. We all tried to give as much love and support as we could. I won’t lie, it was hard; to watch such great people who we love so much going head first into undoubtedly the worst heartbreak anyone could experience.
They decided to give her a name that had meaning, Havalee Hope. They made her as much a part of their family as their other kids, including her story in their family holiday newsletter. They created a “hope” tree for her and let us all buy an ornament for her. The day I took the ornament we had chosen over to their house I sat and talked with Stephanie for a bit. I laughed and cried with this amazing woman. I listened to her and supported her as best I could. But as she told me she was planning a funeral instead of a nursery I broke. No parent should have to bury their own child. She confided in me that her only hope was that she would be able to bring Havalee home, if even just for a day. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. Havalee Hope was born into Heaven on January 26th, 2010. When I was visiting in the hospital Stephanie asked her dear friend to pick up Havalee and hand her to me. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to hold that angel, if even just for the few moments I was blessed to. She was beautiful, too beautiful for this world.
I’d like to believe things happen for a reason, and it’s all part of a bigger plan. I’d like to believe Havalee was in heaven watching our hearts breaking and turned and looked at JaDaKenn, knew he would be fine and said “You need to go heal them”. I want to believe that, if only just for my own sanity. JaDaKenn was born 4 days after Havalee was born to Heaven, and 2 days later we attended Havalee’s funeral. I believe that was the most emotional week of my life. As I watched Derek, Stephanie and their children at the service, I realized their love and strength would get them through this, and this would give them love and strength like they'd never known. I’m so thankful that they have such a strong faith, it’s not only helping them by reminding them they will see Havalee again, but its helping the rest of us, by helping us feel comfortable to talk to them about her.
Stephanie still amazes me, she insisted on not only helping plan a baby shower for JaDaKenn after this happened, but also attended. She MC'd the game, helped with decorations and even sewed a beautiful diaper bag for them. She's been given a "free pass" if you will (by my brother and Kenna), to visit, hold, and kiss up on JaDaKenn as much as she'd like. I don't mind sharing Aunt duties with her at all.We may not be able to see Havalee, but we can always remember her and for those of us lucky enough to be still enough, we may be able to “feel” her. She’ll always be a part of our family, and I’ll always have the belief that JaDaKenn’s first friend is in Heaven watching him and smiling!
JaDaKenn Saxon Johnson was born January 30th, 10 weeks early of his April 9th due date, due to complications. He was 16 inches long and weighed 3 lbs 5 oz. He was rushed to the NICU right after being born, and he's still there, growing stronger every day. The doctors and nurses that helped deliver him joked that he came out "punching", and he's been fighting to get bigger and stronger every day. 
Santa made Sophia's day by bringing her ice skates, which were also on her list, I think she'll forgive him for last year.
It was wonderful to be surrounded by so much love. And because we weren't at a restaurant, there was no rush to leave, and since Ronnie wouldn't let me help, I didn't have to worry about the clean up. It was nice to sit, relax, and visit with so many loved ones. My only complaint is that they brought presents. All I want is their company..so next year NO PRESENTS!
New Years was another somewhat uneventful evening. Ronnie and I took the kids to dinner, then we went over to a friends house and let the kids play video games, and just hung out for a while. Nothing spectacular. Just another nice evening with Ronnie and the kids, and some good friends.
Those are some of my fondest memories growing up, the four of us, with our trips on the bus to the mall, riding the sky coaster at Lagoon looking for cute boys, scaring ourselves so bad with scary movies sleepovers ended up having little to do with sleep and more to do with keeping each other awake; but most important learning who we were and who we weren't.
