Uncle Pete

While this blog is my way to share, it's really my way to put the ramblings in my mind down on virtual paper, so to say. It's how I'm able to clear the cobwebs from the rafters in this head of mine. I have an uncle who once told me that sharing on the internet was just inviting people to snoop into your life, that it's a disregard for the privacy we've come to hold dear. He once told me that if I ever posted a picture of him on the internet, on my "damn blog or the damn facebook" he'd stop speaking to me. We'll I sure hope that's not the case.
You see it's time for me to share about my dear Uncle Pete, whom I love and cherish more than he knows. I have several uncles and aunts and they all have a special place in my heart, I have stories about each of them and memories that I wouldn't give for anything. My Uncle Pete is one of those guys that says it how he sees it, who can come accross as mean and gruf. He always means well, even if that's not how it feels.
When I was a child, Pete was scary, with his no nonsense attitude. Yes I have memories of him that I'd rather forget, because he did scare me, but I have plenty since then that I hold dear. The first memory of him I cherish is one of my favorites, one the I think changed my life forever for the better.

I was about nineteen and working at a dentist office, his dentist. One morning he came in, and on his way out he told my boss that he was taking me to breakfast. It was probably the first time we had been alone together. I went, worried about what he was going to say to me, knowing there must be something that was on his mind. Sure enough, over breakfast he proceeded to tell me that I was angry inside, that I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving when I was little (another story, another time). He told me that no matter what the reason, whether it was right or wrong, unless I let go of the anger I was never going to find happiness. He said that he only wanted me to be happy, but for that to happen I was going to have to remember the love I had for my Dad, and never be the one to "blame". Which meant I had to send cards, I had to call and write, even if he didn't respond. He reminded me that I was worth a fathers love, even if I didn't feel worthy. When he dropped me back off at work I was in tears, but not because I was afraid, but because he was able to knock down a wall that I had built around my heart, that I thought would protect me, but was only isolating me from love.

This wasn't the only time he had to speak frankly to me, even about this subject, but over the years we've built a relationship I treasure. I'm not sure if I've completely let go of all that anger, but he did help me open up enough to find love. I thank him for helping me with that. I believe that without his brutal honestly I would have pushed true love away, instead of letting myself be vulnerable, and that would have been a mistake.

Right now my Uncle Pete is lying in a hospital bed and I wish I could be there with him. The last message he left for me said "get your asses down here, no excuses", we didn't go. I hope I don't end up hating myself forever for that. And I hope he doesn't disown me for posting this or his picture.

I love you Uncle Pete. Thank you for being here for me and my kids. Thank you for telling me how it is. Thank you for loving me like you do. I hope to see you very soon!