Go Gray in May

I've had some question about the whole "Go Gray In May" posts so I've decided it deserves some explaining, why this cause and why this year, here's why.

Those of you who have known me for years know why, but more recent friends may not  so here is the story.  Thanksgiving of 2008, I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.  I had never had a seizure before so obviously there was quite a deal of concern.  At the hospital they ran a lot of tests; blood work, CAT scans, MRI’s, etc. and while we waited for some results my family started to gather.  Finally a stiff, almost indifferent ER doctor came in.  With my Husband and several other family members standing there; he just looked at me and bluntly said “you have a brain tumor.”   I think I was still in a fog from the seizure, but as I watched my Brother who was standing at the foot of the bed immediately start crying the words sunk in.

Several neurosurgeon and neurologist appointments later I knew that this tumor would stay with me for as long as I could live a full life with the symptoms.  Due to the location of the tumor, the risks of the surgery were quite significant and far outweighed any symptoms I was having.  I have frequent MRI’s to watch for any substantial changes that might alter that decision, but for now I’m content with my choice.

Now let me tell you about a little nine year old girl named Aspen.  She has family that lives next door to us and has been to our house a several times to play with Sophia.  From my interactions with Aspen I find her to be a sweet, soft spoken, precious little girl.  Last summer I let the girls pick flowers from my garden and use some old vases and ribbons to make arrangements.  Sophia was so excited to have flowers in her room, but Aspen could not wait to give them to her Mom.  

A couple months ago I was perusing Facebook and read a post about Aspen written by her Aunt.  She wrote that one day Aspen was fine, the next day she had a crooked smile, a few days later flu like symptoms.  The doctor wasn’t concerned but after doing some research online, her Mom insisted on a MRI.  Unfortunately it was the worst case scenario, she had a brain tumor.  For Aspen and her family the choice to remove the tumor proved to be right, as it was malignant.  The tumor may be gone but that does not mean this horrible disease ends there for Aspen.  She’s still fighting, trying to get better.  Her family is still making tough medical decisions about her treatments.  Not to mention the growing medical costs.

That is why this May I’ve pushed the Gray, I’ve reminded you about brain tumors and brain cancer and I’ve invited people to fundraisers.  May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month; because of my tumor I’ll always be aware even though I try to censor it from most.  But it is now time for me to say something, time to make you aware, time to ask for help for Aspen and all those others who are struggling, trying to heal from this devastating life altering disease.

If you’d like to help Aspen and her family with medical expenses, please visit www.Angels4Aspen.com.

Happy Birthday Sophia

Where does the time go?  Really?  I cannot believe how fast time goes by.  Our baby girl was born nine years ago today, that seems so unreal to me.  She has brought so much joy, humor, frustration, love, fire, and peace into our family and home.  She is such a blessing and we are so thankful for her.

 

 

Happy Birthday to our Sassa Frass, Freckle Face, Fifi, Sophers, Lil Red, Lil Miss, Soph!

 

We love you!

Halloween 2012

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 

This year has been flying by.  I didn't even have time to pull out my Halloween decorations let alone get in the spirit of the "holiday", but I did it for the kids.  After a month of Sophia asking to be something "round" when she said "vampire" I headed straight to the store and bought a costume before she could say the word "round" again.    And then there was Ethan... 

 

 

What a character!

 

So if you put my Vampire who forgot her fangs and my overgrown hippie with Jeter the Skunk and JaDaKenn the "cryin" Turtle it looks a little like this....

 

Hope you all had a great Halloween! 

Can't wait to see your pictures.

He's Back

For those of you that don't know, Ron spent almost an entire year traveling for work.  It was rough for all of us. Luckily I had the kids to keep me busy, he had the warm weather and beach to keep him busy.  While we were here shoveling snow, he was laying by a pool.  While I was running back and forth from one activity to the next he was surfing.  Rough life, right. 

I know he did actually get the rough end of it all, I did after all at least have the kids and some normalcy.  I couldn't imagine being away from this family I love for as long as he was. 

I hope he knows who much we appreciate all the sacrifices he makes to take care of us.

 

I'm just glad he's home and our family is together again..hopefully for a LONG time.

*Yes, this is a little late, he's been back for a while, but I am "catching up" here.

Back in the Saddle...so to say

Wow, almost a year.  How did I stay away?  It's been a busy, crazy, rollercoaster ride this past year.  But as they saying goes I'm back in the Saddle and ready.  So here it goes...  Stay tuned.

What are you Thankful For?

Here we are again, at that blessed Holiday in which we give thanks for what we have, where we are, and most importantly who we have in our life. Every year I find myself being more thankful for the things I may have once taken for granted. My family; both near and far, my friends; old and new; my wonderful Husband, and our precious children. I'm thankful for our health, the roof over our heads, and the ability to work so we are able to provide for our family. I could really go on and on.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and take a few minutes to give Thanks!

Brrrrr

I am NOT ready for winter yet. For being born and raised here you'd think I'd be used to these freezing temps, snow falling from the sky for months and the ice that forms on anything that doesn't move and some things that do. I don't know why I never took advantage of the slopes and learned to ski or snowboard, at least then I'd be able to enjoy the winter months. Maybe because it was way too cold when I fell, i just decided to avoid it.

I do crave the sun and and the warmth. I'd be just fine soaking up rays on a rock in the desert. OH WAIT....there are snakes there! I'll stay in the snow!

Make Time!

My Mom has the most friends of anyone I know and I'm not talking about facebook friends, I'm talking about real life friends. She has friends from all walks of life, all stages of her life, every income bracket, every social status, etc. Even though she's busy she still makes times for every friend she has. She never closes anyone out of her life.

I realized I needed to make more time for my friends, life is busy, but this is something I needed to do for me. It's easy with the friends who you see all the time, but friends from your past it's a bit harder. Time, distance, life; they change people, maybe too much to be friends again, but how do you know if you don't make the time to try to catch up.

Recently I had the opportunity to catch up with a few friends from high school, I jumped at the chance. It was so nice to see these guys, talk about old times, how life has been, about their kids, and their lives. I knew just from the time spent together that evening that no matter how much time had passed, we'd always be great friends.

Three days ago I logged onto Facebook and was shocked to see that one of these guys I had just caught up with had passed away. I won't get into specifics because it doesn't matter, what does matter is the fact that this loving soul, who's smile, which I never saw him without, could honestly light up a room is gone. He was married straight out of high school and they had two boys. From the conversation I had with him those boys were his pride and joy, he talked about what they were doing in school and their sports. He talked about surviving a horrific car accident and how happy he was to be here with his family. He beamed as he spoke about them. I am so happy I had that last conversation with him, that's what I get to remember.

I want to remind everyone to take the time to talk to people, catch up with old friends, neighbors. Don't ever think you're too busy, because if you wait until you have time, it may be too late.

Me & Spencer Breeze (circa 1993)

~dont judge the hair...please~

I'm a Mom, first

When we built and moved into our house a decade ago my wonderful Aunt Eva gave us (me) this framed poem, as a housewarming, and probably also to remind me to be a Mom first and foremost. You see the women in my family tend to...how do I put this nicely...be a little OCD about cleaning. And while I've tried to be a little more relaxed, I do find myself becoming unglued over the smallest messes. I think I'm posting this as a reminder to myself. When I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and there is too much to do, too much to clean, I just need to look at my kids perfect little faces and remember this is when I should concentrate on being a Mom.

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact

that children live there...

Ours boasts of it quite openly

the signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows

little smudges on the door...

I should apologize I guess

for the toys all over the floor.

But I sat down with the children

and we played & laughed & read

And if the doorbell doesn't shine

their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to

choose the one job or the other,

I want to be a housewife,

but first I'll be a Mother.

-Author Unknown

Summer

This is my favorite time of the year! It starts in the Spring, when flowers start to bloom, trees start to green, windows crack open for the fresh air, and the days start to get longer. It lasts well into the fall with all the colors on the trees, the autumn nights around a fire, and the kids going back to school. But this time right now, when the sun rises before it should, and stays up past the kids' bedtime, when you get to savor the most of each day, these are my favortie days.

I hope you are all enjoying your summer. We're doing our best to capture as many memories as we can. I'll start sharing them soon!

Hello Again

Wow! It's been way too long! And its defintely not because I don't have anything to write about, because if I had someone to dictate my thoughts to this blog would have a new post every day. I miss sharing my thoughts/ideas. I think I'll start making sure I make time for myself, which will include some time to write!

Happy Mothers Day

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to Earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" God answered him, "Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

"But tell me", asked the child, "here in Heaven, I don't do anything but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy." "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you everyday. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy" God reassured him.

"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?" "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you Lord?" "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"I've heard that on Earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?" "Your angel will always defend you, even if it means risking it's own life."

"But I will be sad because I will not see you anymore" "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could already be heard and the child in a hurry asked softly, "Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name." "Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel Mommy."

Author Unknown

Mommy Dearest

Apparently I am the worst mother ever, that according to the 7 year old that thinks she runs this roost. She's been making me a Mothers Day gift for weeks now, she keeps telling me not to look. Tonight she asked to stay out later than normal to play, I said no. She was so unhappy with me, as she marched to her room she yelled "You don't deserve a Mother's Day Gift!" Two minutes later she came stomping out with something all ripped up and threw it all in the trash. I guess my present is going to dump when the garbage is picked up tomorrow. Maybe if I was a nice Mom I would've given in an let her keep playing... Nope not happening, I'm the Mom not a friend!

I guess Mommy Dearest of the Year award goes to me, all because of a bedtime...

Happy Earth Day

As the mother of two precious kiddies I should be more aware of enviromental issues that will no doubt effect their lives for years to come. Whats the saying... "We did not inhert the planet from our parents, we are borrowing it from our children". I'm ashamed to say, I'm not as versed in the subject as I should be. I am very proud of my dear sweet husband for doing more research and pushing me in the ways our family should be heading. I love that he pulls cans out of the trash to put in the recycling bin, that he buys recyleable items whenever possible, and that he tours our house constantly turning off lights. I know from the three gas guzzlers in our driveway you've never guess that about him.

Thats one thing that really upsets me, our fuel dependency. And when I say "our" I am talking about everyone not just this family of four. How did we as a civilized society become so dependent on something that is obviously in short supply? And the bigger question, how do we solve this problem. Yes I get it, point the fingers at us driving the gas guzzlers. So this family gets rid of our three vehicles for three other vehicles, even hybrid or electric, thats only 3 cars. Unless you get the whole world to do that, what difference will it make?

So what's the solution?

Maybe I'll invest in some horses and a couple buggies. How many do you think it would take to pull our boat to the lake?

Aunt B

I LOVE being an Aunt! Love, Love, Love it!

JaDaKenn has been such a joy, and on March 25th his little brother Jeter Derek joined our family. Two nephews for me to adore and smother with attention and love!

Jeter Derek

6 lbs 3 oz 19 inches

JaDaKenn is not sure what to think about his new little brother, but I'm sure he'll be a wonderful big brother. I love these munchkins!!!

Wrestling

Ethan's first wrestling season was short and sweet... He won half his matches, and took the silver in his tournament. Good job EDog!

Here are some pics.

Three of the four coaches (LeRoy had to work) with some of the kids at the end of season awards dinner.

Here is a picture of the gifts I gave the coaches as a thank you and below is the card we put together.

It was a great season and we all had fun. Ethan met some great friends and learned a little bit more about himself. It was so fun to see this side of him, and I loved watching the fire in my Brother again. Can't wait for next year!

Stinky!

This is a conversation between the kids, I overheard while driving down the road.

"What is that smell?"

"That's a skunk"

"That's what a skunk smells like?"

"Ya, its gross hu!"

"Smells better than your farts."

Sure makes a mother proud!

Time to move forward

The loss of my Uncle Pete has been heartbreaking to me. I love him dearly and will miss him every day. I have pushed off planning our Spring Break trip because it usually included a visit with him and that makes it too real. I know he is happy, healthy, and no longer in pain and I know he’s with his Parents, enjoying them. What hurts is knowing my kids won’t get the full knowledge of how wonderful he is. They do have their own memories of him, and I’ll try to remind them of him whenever possible. But I can’t possibly convey to them how wonderful he is, share all of his stories, or teach them all the lessons life taught him and that is a horrible feeling. I made this for his memorial service, please enjoy.

(Coming soon)

Losing someone so important makes you want to savor every minute you have, and I’m trying. I appreciate the sunrise every morning knowing each day brings amazing opportunities. I am appreciative for my job, knowing I am able to help provide for this family, and my husband doesn’t have to carry that responsibility alone. I watch our children everyday knowing although I’ll be their Mom forever; they will only be my “kids” for so long, before they spread their wings and leave our nest. I enjoy the little things, snuggle time with each of them, the relentless begging for “just one more game”, the constant drawing with papers and pencils strewn across the counters, all while marking each achievement for me to reflect upon when they have left to make their own mark on this crazy world. I appreciate my husband more with each passing day, realizing how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. He treats me better than I deserve most of the time and doesn’t ask for much in return. Whenever the pessimist in me rears its ugly head, he is full of optimism and is happy to share. He truly is my soul mate, the yang to my yin. I often think of him as the glass half full to my glass half empty.
So I guess it’s time to plan that Spring vacation and make some more wonderful memories with the ones I love. And even though Uncle Pete won’t be there for us to visit, he’ll be with us.

Proud Mama

This year Ethan has decided to try his luck at wrestling. With him being such a tender heart and kind soul I was worried this wouldn't turn out well. He'd been practicing for a few weeks, and then it was time, his first wrestling match. We rounded up the family and headed up to school. When we pulled in the neighborhood where the school was located, it was so dark, the power was out, the wrestling match was canceled. Ethan was very disappointed to say the least. A week later we tried again. Unfortunately Ron had a meeting out of town and wasn't able to get back before our sons first match.

We entered the gym at the high school and I was afraid to let the kids out of my sight. It was organized chaos! I was so nervous. Slowly my backup started to show up; my Mom, Jess, JD, Kenna, and luckily I ran into some great friends, Waylann & Brooke, who were there with their son River. Ethan was paired up with another kid the same size as him and sent out onto the mat. It wasn't going so good, he was losing, and then in a matter of seconds, Ethan had the kid in a cradle and pinned him. I was shocked and proud. His second match didn't end so well, he was pinned.

The Proud Mama part came not from him winning, but from watching his sportsmanship. After his first match his shook his opponents hand and gave him the one armed hug. In between matches he looked up in the stands and saw a kid crying, and asked me to excuse him, ran up the bleachers and sat down with the upset kid. When I asked what he said, he told me the kid was upset he lost his first match, but Ethan told him it was ok and that he still had another match. After his second match, after being pinned, he was visibly upset, but still shook his opponents hand and then walked over to his opponents father and shook his hand.

I hadn't realized how grown up he has become. Sometimes you have to step back and let them show you, and I hadn't given him the chance. He continually surprises me. I hope he knows how proud both his father and I are of him.

Uncle Pete

While this blog is my way to share, it's really my way to put the ramblings in my mind down on virtual paper, so to say. It's how I'm able to clear the cobwebs from the rafters in this head of mine. I have an uncle who once told me that sharing on the internet was just inviting people to snoop into your life, that it's a disregard for the privacy we've come to hold dear. He once told me that if I ever posted a picture of him on the internet, on my "damn blog or the damn facebook" he'd stop speaking to me. We'll I sure hope that's not the case.
You see it's time for me to share about my dear Uncle Pete, whom I love and cherish more than he knows. I have several uncles and aunts and they all have a special place in my heart, I have stories about each of them and memories that I wouldn't give for anything. My Uncle Pete is one of those guys that says it how he sees it, who can come accross as mean and gruf. He always means well, even if that's not how it feels.
When I was a child, Pete was scary, with his no nonsense attitude. Yes I have memories of him that I'd rather forget, because he did scare me, but I have plenty since then that I hold dear. The first memory of him I cherish is one of my favorites, one the I think changed my life forever for the better.

I was about nineteen and working at a dentist office, his dentist. One morning he came in, and on his way out he told my boss that he was taking me to breakfast. It was probably the first time we had been alone together. I went, worried about what he was going to say to me, knowing there must be something that was on his mind. Sure enough, over breakfast he proceeded to tell me that I was angry inside, that I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving when I was little (another story, another time). He told me that no matter what the reason, whether it was right or wrong, unless I let go of the anger I was never going to find happiness. He said that he only wanted me to be happy, but for that to happen I was going to have to remember the love I had for my Dad, and never be the one to "blame". Which meant I had to send cards, I had to call and write, even if he didn't respond. He reminded me that I was worth a fathers love, even if I didn't feel worthy. When he dropped me back off at work I was in tears, but not because I was afraid, but because he was able to knock down a wall that I had built around my heart, that I thought would protect me, but was only isolating me from love.

This wasn't the only time he had to speak frankly to me, even about this subject, but over the years we've built a relationship I treasure. I'm not sure if I've completely let go of all that anger, but he did help me open up enough to find love. I thank him for helping me with that. I believe that without his brutal honestly I would have pushed true love away, instead of letting myself be vulnerable, and that would have been a mistake.

Right now my Uncle Pete is lying in a hospital bed and I wish I could be there with him. The last message he left for me said "get your asses down here, no excuses", we didn't go. I hope I don't end up hating myself forever for that. And I hope he doesn't disown me for posting this or his picture.

I love you Uncle Pete. Thank you for being here for me and my kids. Thank you for telling me how it is. Thank you for loving me like you do. I hope to see you very soon!