Uncle Pete

While this blog is my way to share, it's really my way to put the ramblings in my mind down on virtual paper, so to say. It's how I'm able to clear the cobwebs from the rafters in this head of mine. I have an uncle who once told me that sharing on the internet was just inviting people to snoop into your life, that it's a disregard for the privacy we've come to hold dear. He once told me that if I ever posted a picture of him on the internet, on my "damn blog or the damn facebook" he'd stop speaking to me. We'll I sure hope that's not the case.
You see it's time for me to share about my dear Uncle Pete, whom I love and cherish more than he knows. I have several uncles and aunts and they all have a special place in my heart, I have stories about each of them and memories that I wouldn't give for anything. My Uncle Pete is one of those guys that says it how he sees it, who can come accross as mean and gruf. He always means well, even if that's not how it feels.
When I was a child, Pete was scary, with his no nonsense attitude. Yes I have memories of him that I'd rather forget, because he did scare me, but I have plenty since then that I hold dear. The first memory of him I cherish is one of my favorites, one the I think changed my life forever for the better.

I was about nineteen and working at a dentist office, his dentist. One morning he came in, and on his way out he told my boss that he was taking me to breakfast. It was probably the first time we had been alone together. I went, worried about what he was going to say to me, knowing there must be something that was on his mind. Sure enough, over breakfast he proceeded to tell me that I was angry inside, that I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving when I was little (another story, another time). He told me that no matter what the reason, whether it was right or wrong, unless I let go of the anger I was never going to find happiness. He said that he only wanted me to be happy, but for that to happen I was going to have to remember the love I had for my Dad, and never be the one to "blame". Which meant I had to send cards, I had to call and write, even if he didn't respond. He reminded me that I was worth a fathers love, even if I didn't feel worthy. When he dropped me back off at work I was in tears, but not because I was afraid, but because he was able to knock down a wall that I had built around my heart, that I thought would protect me, but was only isolating me from love.

This wasn't the only time he had to speak frankly to me, even about this subject, but over the years we've built a relationship I treasure. I'm not sure if I've completely let go of all that anger, but he did help me open up enough to find love. I thank him for helping me with that. I believe that without his brutal honestly I would have pushed true love away, instead of letting myself be vulnerable, and that would have been a mistake.

Right now my Uncle Pete is lying in a hospital bed and I wish I could be there with him. The last message he left for me said "get your asses down here, no excuses", we didn't go. I hope I don't end up hating myself forever for that. And I hope he doesn't disown me for posting this or his picture.

I love you Uncle Pete. Thank you for being here for me and my kids. Thank you for telling me how it is. Thank you for loving me like you do. I hope to see you very soon!

What if....

We’ve all done it, played the game, asked the question, thought of the scenario, fantasized about what it would be like; you know “what would I do if I won the lottery”. What would you do first? Faint, go on a shopping spree, and maybe call your biggest frenemie to rub it in? What would you do? Move into a bigger more elaborate house, go on vacation, and buy every pair of shoes that call your name?

I am more of a practical girl, almost insanely practical, so let me tell you what I’ve always said. Of course, the first thing I’d do is call a good lawyer and a financial advisor. After that was taken care of and I had paid a substantial amount of taxes, I would pay off every bill we had and put money in trust accounts for the kids. I would have to buy all the shoes that called my name, because that is my obsession. I would take my family on the most amazing and humbling vacation, somewhere we could relax, bond, make memories, and make a difference.

This is where the “fantasy” of winning the lottery goes terribly amiss, donating to charity. Not because I wouldn’t want to donate, more of the thought of deciding; picking one charity as a more worthy cause, how do you do that? How do you decide which cause is more important? Would you give your money to help feed starving children or would you give your money to help find cures for diseases killing loved ones? Would you donate for people who have become disabled fighting for our great nation or to the abused animals who cannot fend for themselves? Would you provide shelter for someone less fortunate or give a dying child his or her biggest wish? Do you try to help save the planet or the people of a dying nation? Do you contribute to help spread the word about the atrocities being committed around the world or do you dig in, starting with your own community and hope it will spread?

Yes, I’ve always had my chosen charities when it comes to donating, because they have special meaning to me. It’s not much, but if my donations are added to everyone else’s donations, it makes a difference. I want a cure for Cancer, a cure for MS, a cure for Alzheimer’s and I want transplants to be affordable to anyone who needs them. Every child should have every opportunity available, regardless of money. I hate the thought of anyone going hungry or anyone sleeping in the cold. I hate the thought that out there in world kids are forced to work to help provide because there are no other options. I hate the terms “child abuse”, “sex slavery”, “blood diamond”, and “ethnic cleansing”, to name a few. So how would I choose? Just the thought makes me anxious.

I’m so thankful I haven’t won the lottery!

Bragging Moment

I am so proud of both of my kids, for all the things they do. Right now I want to share Ethan's great artistic ability. He's always loved to draw and everytime he brings something home, and I'll always have that little feeling like he maybe "traced" a picture, but then he'll start to draw in front of me and I'll be in awe. It's so natural and it just flows from him. I thought I'd share some of the recent favorites.

I'm not sure who this is..but I'm sure its a cartoon character.

He went through a couple weeks of "perfecting" his flames.

Yes, he was so bored one day he even drew his shoe.

Of course he had to take a shot at drawing "The Last AirBender".
And now he says he's drawing his own comic book. Here are a couple of his drawings (looks a little like other cartoon characters, but with a little Ethan in there).
Love you Ethan!!

We need to stop Bullies

Recently in the news there have been a rash of stories about suicides directly related to bullying.

Pheobe Prince-15 years old

April Himes-13 years old

Jared High-13 years old

Ryan Halligan-14 years old

Daniel Scruggs-12 years old

Laura Rhodes-13 years old

Joshua Melo-15 years old

Kasey Hone-16 years old

James Rogers-16 years old

Tyler Clementi-18 years old

Hope Witsell-13 years old

"name withheld"-10 year old Boston Girl

Asher Brown-13 years old

Seth Walsh-13 years old

The list could go on and on..when I put "bully" "suicide" in google search it brought up over four thousand matches!

It's been overwhelming to say the least. When I was growing up a bully was someone who teased you on the playground at recess, someone who yelled profanities at you from the other side of the road, someone who gave up after the taunting yielded little to no results, and most fortunate for any of us, someone who "disappeared" when we entered our santuary called home. Nowdays, with all of the available technology, bullying is so much more, and unfortunately even being home is not a safe haven for these victims. They get harassed with texts, emails, facebook, even with websites created just for bullying.

I've found similarities in these "bullicide" stories; the kids were liked, smart, gentle and nice. Some put on a brave smile and never mentioned the bullying, most tried to tell someone, but found no help was enough. These bullies have lost respect for not only their victims, but also for anyone in authority; parents, teacher, even police. There have also been stories of adults, the victims parents confronting these bullies, and the parents are the ones getting in trouble. They have been ticketed and some even arrested for threatening these bullies, "verbal assualt"; isn't that exactly what these bullies are doing to their victims? Why can't they be issued citations for assualt?

In this house I'm going to make sure my kids know they are loved, that they can come to me no matter what, they will know that they need to accept people for who they are-with no judgement, that everyone deserves to have a happy life. I will continue to talk to them about bullying and hope that in their lives and the lives around them, it makes a difference. I hope you'll do the same.

Honestly I don't know what the answer is but I do know we all need to stand together to stop bullies and the bullying that goes on these days!

This is a wonderful website for parents and kids http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

My opinion on the fire!

Several years ago there was a news story about houses being “red flagged” by the fire department, meaning if a fire were to come close to the house, there were to be no extra efforts from the fire departments to save the property. The homeowners were furious and at first, I thought it was ridiculous; isn’t that their job! But the more I looked into it and the more I thought about it, it made perfect sense. These houses that were “red flagged” were houses built on the mountain side, surrounded by trees and overgrown brush, they were difficult to get to and most likely any fire involving these homes would be too dangerous for any firefighter to fight.

I realized that there is a price to be paid when you live in such a beautifully secluded and peaceful place. Having family and friends that fight fires, including in this specific area, I agree, no human life is worth a home or property.

Unfortunately, even after the stories of the “red flagging”, people continued to build their homes in the same area, yes, it cleared trees and brush, but they didn’t take into account the houses were still on rugged terrain and the other side of the mountain was still brush and trees. These houses are amazing, all the newest and greatest upgrades and accessories; houses to be envied.

That is, until two weeks ago when a mixture of a stray bullet from target practice, dry brush, and high winds turned into a nightmare. We watched on the newscast as flames headed towards these beautiful neighborhoods. I worried about friends and family who live in the area, I worried about the horses that live in the area, hoping their owners were able to have enough time to get them safely out, and most importantly, I was worried about the family and friends I have who are firefighters and all their coworkers who were headed right to the center of it all.

Usually when horrific things happen, people band together, but that first night, I knew I would not be “banding” together with some of these homeowners. I watched as they were interviewed by reporters, as they complained about the lack of response from the emergency dispatchers, about the firefighters not doing enough to save property, they complained about being evacuated with not enough time to get their belongings. I literally had to take some deep breathes to calm myself.

On the second day of this massive undertaking, which by the way the “red flagging” had no bearing on, I called my Aunt to check on her, knowing her husband, my Uncle, a firefighter, would most likely be right in the middle of it all, and I was right. He was in the middle of it all, but not in the way I though. He probably wishes he was in his turnouts, sweating in the heat, fighting flames; but he was getting heat from homeowners, understandably upset about the fire. Upset about losing property, losing cars, having smoke damage, not being allowed back in their homes, etc. They were literally in his face over these things! I was furious, knowing that these firefighters are risking their lives and still people were angry. I know that the homeowners yelling at my Uncle were only a small percentage of the residents affected by this tragic event, but to think that even one person felt this way was disheartening.

I hope people take a few minutes to appreciate their local emergency services; police officers, firefighters, EMT’s, etc. They really are angels on earth. Just take a look at the miracle they managed with this house below.

Followup: Last night on the news there are stories of some homeowners fraudulently filing claims for thousands of dollars for bogus “cleanings” and property loses. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Back in the "Saddle"

At the beginning of the racing season Ethan had a little mishap. He broke his collarbone and it took him out for at least seven weeks. Eight weeks later, I was ready to go watch my son ride his dirtbike and enjoy himself, but that wasn't the case. The longer he was off the bike, the harder it was for him to get back on. It's like that saying about "getting right back on the horse", well unfortunately he didn't have that option. The longer he was able to sit and think about what had happened, or more importantly, what could have happened the harder it was to get him on the bike.
I didn't want to push him, I'm not that kind of a Mom. But I didn't want to let his fear control him either. So there I was stuck between being the "stage mom" and the mom who would forever regret her decision to let her son quit because of "the fear". I had to find a way to get him riding again without being pushy.
A couple weeks ago Ron took him riding at a local field they practice at. He said he had fun, but also said the Ethan had told him he didn't want to race anymore. Sure, a part of me was a little sad. Racing is something he has done for five years. The excitement of the Friday night racing, the comradery of the families at the track, watching him ride and jump, it's something that can't really be described, but it was sort of our summer tradition.
If he really wanted to quit, that would be his decision, not ours. But I still wasn't convinced it wasn't because of "the fear".
Two weeks ago we attended my companies summer party and happened to run into one of my coworkers who 2 year old son had just fallen off the couch and broken his collarbone. It was the perfect opportunity for me to bring up the subject with Ethan. I explained to him that life is unpredictible in so many ways, that his collarbone could have been broken by rolling off his bed at night while he's sleeping, as much as it was by the dirtbike crash. I told him we knew it would be scary, and the longer he waited the harder it would be. And I left it at that knowing he would ponder it and come to us if he wanted to talk.
It didn't take long, only a few days later he started talking about racing again. We didn't push, we let him talk without jumping completely on the bandwagon. We encouraged him to do what he felt was right without making him feel judged. And it worked. He came to us earlier this past week and said he was ready to race, and as luck would have it, there was a race the next Friday. Ron took him to practice and when they came home he said he's never seen Ethan ride like he did. He said it was amazing! The next day we went through our race day rituals, getting off work early packing the kids up and heading to the track. Everything seemed different, even the people were different, it seemed like it had been years, not months.

We told Ethan there was no pressure, he didn't need to feel like he needed to push himself to win. Each moto he came off the track smiling and happy. He enjoyed himself, and as a bonus, at the end of the night, left with a 2nd place trophy!

It may have taken longer than we thought, but he's "back in the saddle" and enjoying himself. He's already talking about the next race.

I find it rather ironic how death is a part of life. Isn’t that some sort of oxymoron? You could say that I have been to more than my fair share of funerals. Yet with all the experience I’ve had mourning you’d think I wouldn’t keep needing reminders of what is truly important in life.

Without getting to in depth in my beliefs, I do know that there is more than this life and I will see those departed again. What I find so hard is in knowing that their presence will forever be missing from the rest of my life. There will be no more new memories, what I have is what I get and that is final.

I’ve watched how people mourn and how they move on. I’ve watched the inconsolable mourning of those who believe there is nothing after this life and I’ve watched the joy of seeing a much suffering soul “move on” from those who believe in heaven and an afterlife. I’ve seen spouses who won’t change a thing after their significant other has passed and those that immediately feel the need to fill a void and find someone new. I’ve seen those who have been stronger then anyone thought and lived years after losing their soul mate, and those who have been so broken hearted they pass away shortly after. I’ve watched children bury their parents and parents bury their children. I’ve been to funerals of people who have died “naturally” and those who have left this world before their time. Each of the departed has their personal story but the passing is still as heartbreaking as the last.

Why write about this now? Last night as my Brother and I stood at the headstones of several family members; our Grandparents, a cousin, and a cousin’s son, I was reminded of what is important.

Today my cousin will bury her son no doubt right next to his brother. Her son, a young man, not yet in his prime, a father to children who I saw running around last night, knowing their Dad is gone, but really too young to know what that really means. I watched my cousin in sheer agony of the loss of a second child; no parent should have to bury any of their children, let alone two. I felt the loss of this young man whom I had not seen in a couple years, but luckily do have fond memories of, I just wish I had more. But I must hold onto the ones I have, and they will have to keep me satisfied.

I hope this rambling is a nudge to everyone, a reminder of what is important. You can replace things, but you can’t replace people, you must work to live, but don’t live to work. It’s important to build memories that you can hold onto, pictures in your mind and in your heart. Because you never know when it will be the last time you see someone, and the memories you have is all you get to keep.

One returns to the place one came from.
- Jean de la Fontaine

Summer Plans

Is it really July? Really?? I can't believe how fast time flys by. I was really hoping to slow down this summer, to spend more time enjoying my family and friends. Cherishing what is important, making memories that will linger for years to come. I've yet to even begin making plans to do anything of the sort, and I just don't know why. We haven't taken the boat out, we haven't even taken the top off the Blazer! It's like we haven't gotten into the summer groove, like we're waiting to be invited by some magical "summer fairy".

I want this summer to one the kids remember. Ethan is getting older, and pretty soon hanging out with his family is going to be more of a duty and obligation, rather then something he looks forward to. I remember being his age, you know the summer before 6th grade, the last "elementary" summer, wow, that was a fun summer. I want him to remember his the same. And this is Sophia's last summer before she starts school "full-time". Lots of changes are coming our way and I think it's really time for us to slow down and really enjoy this time together.

Here's a list of things I'm thinking of planning:

• Camping trip with Ronnie and the kids
• Lots of boating weekends
• Trip to a good friends wedding....YAY~Sienna and Zack
• Trip to my wonderful Grandma's "40th" birthday LOL...I won't spill the beans on her age!
• A few days here and there with each of the kids on there own, for special days
• Maybe a little trip for me and Ronnie in there somewhere, just the two of us (we deserve it)

Let me know if you have any other great ideas for me...I'm open to suggestions.

Picking Role Models

Ethan is growing up and there is nothing I can do about it, except make sure he grows up to be a great adult. I've tried to make sure he never really looks up to sports players or musicians as idols, it's like fools gold, really nothing worthwhile to offer. At times he's spent time looking up to Ronnie, or my cousin Chandler, or his Grandpa, or his Uncle Monte, which is all fine with me. But lately he's been looking up to Kenny, my cousin Bree's boyfriend. And I'll admit, he's probably one of the coolest guys we've met in a long time. He's got his "stuff" together, but he's still "cool" (is that even the term used these days). He owns a skateshop and Ethan admires him and looks up to him. He even wrote out an invitation to Kenny for his birthday party.

I've sufficiently apologized numerous times to Kenny, because I feel like Ethan is pestering him, after all, he is a 30 year old man, who owns a skateshop that gets bombarded with kids daily, all he needs is a kid bugging him on his time off. He is constantly telling me that I shouldn't be apologizing, that Ethan is "cool", but like he'd say any different right, at least to my face. I guess he really means it because I heard that he actually told someone that he couldn't wait to have kids, and he hopes they are just like Ethan, because that kid is awesome. I'm so glad Ethan has picked out role models that I believe will really show him responsibility and morals, and he is choosing good ones on his own.

Do you think a sports star would actually take the time to say that about a kid that admired them? Highly unlikely and probably wouldn't be the best role models either.

Ethan has found a good one. Thank you Kenny!

Long Lost (better forgotten about) Nickname

I'm about to walk you down a memory lane, one I've tried to push down into the deep darkness of unwanted memories....because it makes me look like a ditz.

I turned 16 in December and could have run down to get my drivers license that day, but for some reason I knew that was a bad idea. After much prodding by not only my friends, who wanted another friend to chauffer them around, but also my Mom, who was probably tired of being my chauffer, I finally went down and got my license on Valentines Day. Yes almost two months later. I think I was too busy studying to be able to focus on driving (wink wink), but really we all know I just wasn't very observant.

My brother and his friends would torture me endlessly with taunting and teasing (because that's what little brothers and their friends do), but after I started driving they had plenty of material. You see I wrecked constantly it seems, and even though they weren't all my fault, because I wrecked frequently, I got teased about them all anyway.

Now I'm going to show my age...around the same time there was this great cartoon on, that everyone watched...DuckTales. And if you watched the cartoon you know what name my brother, his friends, and even one of the Dad's of some of the friends called me....

Launchpad

Yes, it was great (whats that new symbol for sarcasm). I was even in a restaurant once and the Dad (who shall remain nameless) yelled "Launchpad", and I looked! Not my greatest claim to fame.

I've tried to live that name and those wrecks down, but unfortunately this week, the ditz appeared again. I'm ok, very sore, and my car is going to be fine. But what is damaged the most is my ego, I don't want to be Launchpad anymore.

BTW...don't try to call me this...I will ignore you, and maybe even "unfriend" you.

If you don't like my Opinion, Quit Reading

I'm about to get political on you all...I'm not trying to offend anyone; I'm just voicing my opinion. That right was given to me clear back on December 15th, 1791, it's called the First Amendment, and I will take full advantage of it when I feel the need.

Because of this Amendment I am free to "speak my mind", as are you, and every other person living in this country. Unfortunately I've found there are quite a few idiots living here so you need to take heed before repeating what you hear.

Every once in a while I receive some great emails from my wonderful Aunt Bonnie (love her), and as always I do my research before forwarding anything on. There was one that she sent me called "I'm 63 and I'm Tired" of course I did some research and found a few small discrepancies, but I also found the blog by the author of this awesome writing, http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/, and an updated blog entry to the what he wrote which was turned into an email, which is a MUST READ... http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/2009/02/robert.html.

I will admit there are probably some of his opinions I'm not on board with completely, but that's probably because I'm not fully educated, so I won't mention which they are. However, there are a few that struck a chord with me that I MUST share. I've left my own little comments on a few, just to clarify my perspective.

**Please remember I cannot take credit for the following words, they were written by Robert A Hall.

"...I’m tired of being told that I have to “spread the wealth around” to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it." (I am not wealthy, but I am proud to say I have always worked hard and have never depended on anyone to pay my way. I don't try to keep up with "the jones" as they say, but we work hard, so if we want something nice, we'll buy it.)

"...I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, “Undocumented Pharmacists”?" (illegal aliens are breaking the law...hence the term "illegal")

"...I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citizens we need." (My Grandparents were not from this country, but they worked hard, supported their family and knew what a blessing it was to live in this country and made sure their children were proud to be American's. They didn't cheat the system and enter into this country illegally; they went through long processes and lots of paperwork. I do not believe we should "clear out this country", but there is a difference between immigrants trying to make a better life for themselves and their families legally and responsibly and those trying to suck all the benefits out of this Nation without doing any work.)

"...I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor."

"...I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems..." (I believe it's time for everyone to own their actions and where they are in this world, stop making excuses. If you don't like where you're at, do something about it!)

Please take the time to read his blog, to do your research, to educate yourself on what is happening to this country, and to decide whether or not you're willing to just sit idly by and let it happen.

May 19, 2000

What were you doing ten years ago right this moment? I remember what I was doing…I was lying by a pool in the warm Las Vegas sun with Ronnie, some family and friends, relaxing and enjoying the day. Looking forward to later that day when my amazing brother would walk me down the aisle and place my hand in Ronnie’s, and we’d become husband and wife. I love those memories, and the ten years of memories we’ve made since that day.
Sometimes I take for granted how wonderful my life is because of him. He’s made me a better person, and I hope he believes the same of me. We share two beautiful children, who couldn’t possibly want or need a better Dad. He’s a dependable provider, a rock of a best friend, and most importantly the husband I could only wish for. Thank you Ronnie, for being all this and more!

Happy Anniversary Hun! We are "Better Together". I love you! Here's to many more anniversaries spent together!

How Hard We Had It

Every so often I get this email, and everytime I read through it and laugh because its SO true.

Enjoy....

"When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...in the snow...BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda... And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty++, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email ! We had to actually write somebody a letter... With a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents spanked us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then sometimes the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a darn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... Not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on television! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to actually get off your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network, either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no; no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were luckily, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970, or any time before!

OUCH!

Every summer our Friday nights belong to the track and to Ethan's races. We plan around his schedule, not to accommodate him, but to teach him when you make a commitment to something you stick to it.

Well this summer is going to be different. The race season was set to begin last Friday, April 16th. Ronnie decided he should take Ethan out to the track to let him practice before the race, always a good idea, except for maybe this time. Ethan was riding hard, trying his hardest, and came down hard off a jump. He was so tough, got back up on his bike and rode away. But as tough as our E-Dog is, he's no match for a broken bone. Yes, he broke his right collarbone, or in medical terms he has an "angulated displaced clavicle fracture." For now we've been told our options are to opt for surgery, which includes a metal plate, or the wait and see method, we've chosen the latter.

Ethan's pretty bummed he won't be racing, at least for six weeks, let alone doing much of anything else. He's such an active kid, and he really shouldn't be doing anything he normally does; riding, skateboarding, anything that could damage the injury further, and because it's his right clavicle, he really can't even draw. Both our kids are so energetic, I have no idea how to keep an immobile child busy....any suggestions would help.

I do have to say this, I know riding isn't the safest sport, but in our defense, he has been riding for 5 years and this really is his first injury. And as for the collarbone, it's one of the most common broken bones in children, in fact newborns can break their collarbones coming through the birth canal. Yes we will continue to let him ride and race, and hope this is the only injury, but we'll be ready for anything that comes our way.

Changes are Coming~

In some alternate universe there is a complete opposite of me, a free spirit, that goes with the flow, takes things as they come, and doesn't worry the least bit. I picture her with her hair flowing, no makeup on, dressed in an almost a "hippie" type flowing floral dress, twirling in a sunny meadow somewhere. There are times I wish I was her.

But in this universe, I'm an over the top, insanly irrational control freak. There is something in me that makes it impossible for me to feel comfortable "going with the flow", which is why I dread change. Change for me is jumping into the unknown, with no life vest on, and why would anyone in their right mind do that!

I know change is inevitable and that's what I'm looking at right now. I'm hoping this change brings amazing new opportunites for me, Ronnie and the kids. Afterall, that is the only reason I allow us to take these leaps of faith, for my family.

JaDaKenn Update

Being an Aunt is awesome! There are no words to tell you how much I love this little guy. He had his two month check up yesterday, he is 19 1/2 inches long and 7 lbs 9 oz! He's in the 50 percentile which is amazing considering he was a preemie. He is doing fabulous!

A couple weeks ago I was over visiting and he fell asleep in my lap all sprawled out. Everytime I tried to bundle him up or hold him cuddled he would fuss, so now I know, he likes to be streched out, once I let him be the way he wanted he didn't even make a peep. Of course I just sat back, let him sleep and enjoyed my time with him. I had to get a picture of him like this, all arched back with his arms over his head.

(Isn't he perfect)

I've been amazed at the changes I've seen in my brother. He's matured so much in the last two months, being a parent will do that to you. I'm so proud of them!

Havalee Hope ~ January 26th, 2010

I have been surrounded by so many people who I love dearly and who are such a big part of my life I guess the odds of having tragic things happen to me and the people around me are greater than if I was a recluse and had no loved ones.
It’s only March and I feel like I’ve been on the 2010 rollercoaster for what seems like more then a year. The birth of my nephew has been such a blessing, and although it was too early for him to join us, it was in many ways perfect timing. JaDaKenn Saxon was born on January 30th, 10 weeks too early, but also four days after a truly devastating loss for all of us. My beautiful cousin Stephanie and her husband Derek, along with their daughter Ariana, son-in-law Chad, son David, and daughter Hannah were expecting a new member of their family. A little girl was due to join their, our family around the same time JaDaKenn was to join our family. I was so excited for us all, and for their little family. Stephanie had said that she had dreamt of this little girl for over a year before becoming pregnant, and although her youngest, Hannah is already 10, she knew that this little girl was meant to join their family. Unfortunately during one of her early appointments they were told that there was a problem. After several ultrasounds and a lot of testing they were delivered devastating news. The child she was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a condition caused by a chromosomal defect, during conception the baby receives three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. T18 is not hereditary, nor is it due to anything the parents did or did not do. Most people are aware of Trisomy 21, also known as Downs Syndrome; however, with T18 most of us didn’t know what to expect. After doing research I was heartbroken. Most babies with this syndrome die before birth, and those born live are given supportive medical care, meaning they focus on nutrition, fighting infections, and managing heart problems, with only 10% of these precious babies living to their first birthday. Just typing this is breaking my heart all over again. Stephanie and Derek had such amazing strength and belief during this pregnancy. We all tried to give as much love and support as we could. I won’t lie, it was hard; to watch such great people who we love so much going head first into undoubtedly the worst heartbreak anyone could experience.
They decided to give her a name that had meaning, Havalee Hope. They made her as much a part of their family as their other kids, including her story in their family holiday newsletter. They created a “hope” tree for her and let us all buy an ornament for her. The day I took the ornament we had chosen over to their house I sat and talked with Stephanie for a bit. I laughed and cried with this amazing woman. I listened to her and supported her as best I could. But as she told me she was planning a funeral instead of a nursery I broke. No parent should have to bury their own child. She confided in me that her only hope was that she would be able to bring Havalee home, if even just for a day. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. Havalee Hope was born into Heaven on January 26th, 2010. When I was visiting in the hospital Stephanie asked her dear friend to pick up Havalee and hand her to me. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to hold that angel, if even just for the few moments I was blessed to. She was beautiful, too beautiful for this world.
I’d like to believe things happen for a reason, and it’s all part of a bigger plan. I’d like to believe Havalee was in heaven watching our hearts breaking and turned and looked at JaDaKenn, knew he would be fine and said “You need to go heal them”. I want to believe that, if only just for my own sanity. JaDaKenn was born 4 days after Havalee was born to Heaven, and 2 days later we attended Havalee’s funeral. I believe that was the most emotional week of my life. As I watched Derek, Stephanie and their children at the service, I realized their love and strength would get them through this, and this would give them love and strength like they'd never known. I’m so thankful that they have such a strong faith, it’s not only helping them by reminding them they will see Havalee again, but its helping the rest of us, by helping us feel comfortable to talk to them about her.
Stephanie still amazes me, she insisted on not only helping plan a baby shower for JaDaKenn after this happened, but also attended. She MC'd the game, helped with decorations and even sewed a beautiful diaper bag for them. She's been given a "free pass" if you will (by my brother and Kenna), to visit, hold, and kiss up on JaDaKenn as much as she'd like. I don't mind sharing Aunt duties with her at all.We may not be able to see Havalee, but we can always remember her and for those of us lucky enough to be still enough, we may be able to “feel” her. She’ll always be a part of our family, and I’ll always have the belief that JaDaKenn’s first friend is in Heaven watching him and smiling!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

This morning as I'm fixing Sophia's hair...

Sophia: Whats wrong with your hand Mom?
Me: It's still asleep
Sophia: Did it stay up all night and party?
Me: (trying to hold in my laughter) It must have, dang hand!
Sophia: You should tell your hand it needs to go to sleep when you do and not party all night!
Me: I will have to do that.

A Little Piece of Perfect!

I never questioned that I'd become a Mom, it was something I always knew I wanted to be and would be. What I did question was becoming an Aunt. The thought of being an Aunt seemed to be elusive for me. My brother, although we all he would be a great Dad, just didn't seem to be on the track for parenthood. That has all changed, and we couldn't be happier. JD and Kenna have made me an Aunt, and given my kids a cousin!

JaDaKenn Saxon Johnson was born January 30th, 10 weeks early of his April 9th due date, due to complications. He was 16 inches long and weighed 3 lbs 5 oz. He was rushed to the NICU right after being born, and he's still there, growing stronger every day. The doctors and nurses that helped deliver him joked that he came out "punching", and he's been fighting to get bigger and stronger every day.

I feel such a stong connection to this little guy, and I haven't even been able to hold him yet. I can't wait to squeeze him and kiss up on him, but I know that will have to wait, so for now I'm happy to just sit, take in the sight of him, and watch him grow.

Oh, and Uncle Ronnie already loves him too, just look at his smile.

Grow Saxon, Grow!

***Update....as of today he weighs 3 lbs 15 & a half oz and is 17 3/4 inches***

Vocabulary Lesson

I've always thought I've been fairly decent with my vocabulary, although I must admit it's easier said than done (or in this case, written). Ronnie has recently made it his mission to remind me that I still have trouble using "then" and "than" correctly. It's so frustrating. I don't understand how these two little words still baffle me. It's not like I'm of below average intelligence (or so I think). So, not for any readers out there, but rather for myself, I am posting the definitions of these words so that I am able to refer to them whenever I am posting... Hopefully there will be no more misuse of these two homophones.

Then: Then is used either as a time marker or with a sequence of events.

"Back then we knew what was expected of us."

Than: Than is used in comparative statements and is not related to time.

"He is taller than I am"

Once I get these two down I may need to move on to effect and affect. If there are any other words you think I need to work on, please share!!!

Playing Catch Up

When do I have time to blog...seriously! I feel like such a slacker...I know, I know, I say that all the time, so there's proof, it must be true, right? So I guess this post will be a "catch up" post so I don't keep saying that.

Dinner with my friends was amazing. I've been in contact with them since then, through email and texting and such, I didn't realize how much I missed them, until I had them back. It's great to have them in my life again.

Christmas was WONDERFUL! The weekend before Christmas we took the kids to see Santa, and while we were getting ready Sophia informed me she was still mad at Santa from last year!?!?! Hmmm... really, mad at Santa? She went on to explain that last year she asked for the Barbie Cruise ship, and Santa said "ok", but he didn't bring it for her. She definitely was sour about the whole situation. So this year, as she sat on Santa's lap, I stood behind her and listened carefully. When she asked for the cruise ship again, right as Santa was about to say ok, I gave him my "stern" eye look and shook my head no. Santa went on to tell Sophia, those are kind of hard for Santa to find, maybe he'll have to surprise her. Whew....Santa, you saved your ass this year. Of course our darling son is the exact opposite, he wrote in his letter to Santa "even if you can't bring me what I asked for, it's ok, I'll still believe in you." How cute is that. And yes, I know he's 10 and should know soon, but I just don't have the heart.



Christmas morning I heard them wake up about 5:30, and I waited for them to come get us, but the next thing I knew it was 9! The angels let us sleep in (after all Santa was up until 1 wrapping) and didn't even bother the presents until we were up! That's some self control! Santa brought Ethan the guitar he asked for and Dad made sure to get him a skateboard from his favorite store in the whole world (Of course Ronnie got his from my Mom and Jess later that day).

Santa made Sophia's day by bringing her ice skates, which were also on her list, I think she'll forgive him for last year.

We spent the rest of the day driving between families. It was really a nice holiday.

On to my Birthday... After last year I just couldn't imagine it could get better. Ronnie kept asking me where I wanted to go for dinner, but things have been rough for a lot of people this year, and its right after the holiday, so I told him I'd rather stay home. Somehow he made it better then last year! He made the whole "traditional thanksgiving dinner", and wouldn't let me help him at all. He said he invited people over, which I assumed was the usual suspects, my mom, Jess, JD, Kenna, etc. But I was surprised by everyone who showed up.

It was wonderful to be surrounded by so much love. And because we weren't at a restaurant, there was no rush to leave, and since Ronnie wouldn't let me help, I didn't have to worry about the clean up. It was nice to sit, relax, and visit with so many loved ones. My only complaint is that they brought presents. All I want is their company..so next year NO PRESENTS!
New Years was another somewhat uneventful evening. Ronnie and I took the kids to dinner, then we went over to a friends house and let the kids play video games, and just hung out for a while. Nothing spectacular. Just another nice evening with Ronnie and the kids, and some good friends.

Now for my "Resolutions"

1. Slow down the pace
2. Appreciate what I have, whatever it may be
3. Be a little selfish every so often
4. Take care of myself better, so I am able to care for others
5. Listen more, talk less
6. Never miss an opportunity
7. Exercise (this has to be on everyone's list, right)
8. Make sure to keep my Husband #1
9. Organize my life, so I can do 1-8
10. Laugh, Laugh, Laugh

Happy 2010! This is going to be a great decade!

Please Donate!

I have been heartbroken over the reports, pictures, and video coming out of Haiti. I can't describe to you the sickness I've felt for the helplessness I have been overcome by. I can't imagine what these people are going through. My heart breaks for each and every one of them. Empathy is my Achilles heal, but I can't imagine feeling any other way then I feel now. It reminds me how lucky we all truly are. We all have our problems, and so many are going through financial struggles, but even at the worst, we should all be thankful.

I don't care where you donate, but PLEASE, have some compassion and donate, even if its $5, you can't imagine how much that can do. Please make sure your donations are made to a reputable organization. Below are some tips listed on MSNBC to help recognize scams:

• Ignore unsolicited emails, and do not click on links within those messages.
• Be skeptical of individuals representing themselves as surviving victims or officials asking for donations via email or social networking sites.
• Be cautious of emails that claim to show pictures of the disaster areas in attached files, because the files may contain computer viruses. Open attachments only from known senders.
• Decline to give personal or financial information to anyone who solicits contributions.
• Make contributions directly to known organizations, rather than relying on others who claim in emails that they will channel the donation to established groups.
  

I'm donating to Doctors Without Borders. The reason being, this organization is already set up and assisting the injured. Over 1,000 people have received treatment thus far in tented facilities they have set up near the building they were previously set up in. They have several planes ready to send more medical supplies, including an inflatable hospital with two operating theatres. They have 80 additional staff members, including surgeons and anesthetists, ready to go. And after doing the little research I'm able to do, lets be real, we don't have a lot of time here, the money you donate can go far:

Your Donation-What It Can Provide

$35-Two high-energy meals a day to 200 children

$50-Vaccinations for 50 people against meningitis, measles, polio or other deadly epidemics

$70-Two basic suture kits to repair minor shrapnel wounds

$100-Infection-fighting antibiotics to treat nearly 40 wounded children

$250-A sterilization kit for syringes and needles used in mobile vaccination campaigns

$500-A medical kit containing basic drugs, supplies, equipment, and dressings to treat 1,500 patients for three months

$1000-Emergency medical supplies to aid 5,000 disaster victims for an entire month

$5500-An emergency health kit to care for 10,000 displaced people for three months
Pray for these people and their nation.

We may not personally know anyone from Haiti, but it shouldn't matter, we are all children of God!